Quote #2

Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.

“William Shakespeare”

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Joke #2

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, “I did some homework.”
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, “Ok, Ok, I was at a friend’s house watching movies.”
Dad asks, “What movie did you watch?”
Son says, “Toy Story.”
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, “Ok, Ok, we were watching p*rn.”
Dad says, “What? At your age I didn’t even know what p*rn was.”
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son.”
The robot slaps the mother.

Six Reasons Why the World Will Never be a Happy Place

 

  1. Because there are bastards like my boss who go; “this company simply can’t afford you anymore, you’re FIRED.” The ASS couldn’t even give me the; “we appreciate everything you’ve done for this company” routine. Son of a –
  2. Because there are evil corporations out there that want you to get fired so they can take everything you have. Damn WOLVES.
  3. Because there are women like my ex who go; “it’s not you, it’s me.” And “you’re just not the man I fell in love with anymore.” Don’t you lie to me woman, I know the real reason you’re leaving is because of number 2.
  4. Because there are people like me who now have to live in their parent’s basements. At 35.
  5. Because there are lucky asses like my brother who literally don’t have to break a sweat to get the things I kill myself trying to.
  6. And most importantly, because there are people like YOU who find it funny to read stuff like this.

Joke #1

The Teacher says to the class: Who ever stands up is stupid
*Nobody stands up*
Teacher: I said who ever stands up is STUPID!
*Little Johnny stands up*
Teacher: Johnny, do you really think that you are stupid?
Little Johnny: No Miss, I just thought that maybe you were lonely being the only one standing.